Real life Bridget Jones

Alas for once I will try to write a happy blog post, lord knows I haven’t in a while, normally my usual subject of choice is all gloom and doom, the nonsensical ramblings of someone who is no way qualified to dish out any advice on anything in life, not because I haven’t had enough life experiences, because believe me at twenty-two I could tell you tales of things I’ve dealt with in my life that someone twice my age wouldn’t be able to handle, but I’m not qualified because quite frankly I have no fucking idea what I’m doing, and that is not a bad thing, like do not get me wrong it is NOT a bad thing at all, I mean do any of us know what we’re doing… Really? I’ve learnt over this past year just to live my life one day at a time, and I’m fine with that, now I’m not saying you should too, but what’s wrong with slowing down once in a while and just savouring life, because we don’t have much time here, I know I don’t, so why not make each day count? (As cliché as it sounds) It’s all about finding that balance, and 2017 will be my year of figuring that out….
There’s something about winter that just brings my soul to life, the cold weather, the shorter days, the longer nights, I just love it, and not because I’m a “barely functioning day walker” (as I was once told) but because it’s the holiday season, Christmas is in a few weeks and secretly I’m shitting it, as it stands as I write this at 4:26am on the 4th December I have only bought 4 presents, and I still have loads to buy, but…with very little money, (Joys of still being unfit for work) anyway that’s not the point, Christmas is a time where you don’t have to go out in the cold if you don’t want to and you can just sit on your arse in front of the tele, eating crap food and watch reruns of shows like “The Vicar of Dibley” or “Only Fools and Horses” on gold (if you’re American, read above as “Fraiser”, and “Everybody loves Raymond”(sorry couldn’t think of any other old American shows haha) I mean what is there not to like?! I must be honest Christmas Day itself is slightly boring, but that’s only because it’s the same routine every year, but I shall let that one slide, because the run up to it is magical. But… my absolute favourite thing about this time of year is the hope and optimism of what the new year will bring, and believe you me, I’m holding on to that hope because the past few years have been absolutely the worst fucking years of my life so far, so I can not wait to welcome January 2017 with a new beginning because next year big things are going to change, I have it all planned out, and by god am I going to stick to it, I deserve a year of laughter, love, and being happy, a year of finally (fingers crossed) being well enough to start working again, I have missed so much not my own job, my own income and independence and actually feeling that my life has a purpose, that I’m doing some good, and taking the steps to make my life better? Take it as my “Bridget Jones” year, and hopefully it’s going to be amazing! Who knows maybe I shall take inspiration from Bridget and start daily blogging my life, nothing cut out, lay it all out there on the line, probably wouldn’t be the greatest idea to bare my soul to the Internet… but why not?!! I haven’t got anything to hide, and never know it might inspire others to do the same thing?!
Once again this blog post hasn’t really had a point, but I hope if you reading this is may hopefully of made you smile…
What do you plan for 2017? I’d love to know x

Dermatomyositis you haven’t beaten me yet! 

Coming to terms with being ill for the rest of your life is weird, but what’s weirder is other people’s reactions to it, yes I’m ill, and some days I don’t want to do anything but it’s not like I’m living in a fucking bubble, I can still pretty much do everything I used to, but I just get tired quicker, I can still go out and have fun, I just need a little longer to recover that’s all, or on the other hand I have people that have no fucking idea what I have, or haven’t even tried to learn anything about it and therefore think I’ve made it up, it’s odd, especially having something so rare, I have Dermatomyositis but my case of it, is even rarer because I’m 22 and normally you have it as a child or a lot later in life, so yeah bit of a freak of nature here 😂 but fuck it, I don’t really care, it makes me who I am, and I just have to accept that.
However there are a few things that do make me laugh about being ill and that is the same old shit people ask you no matter how many times you tell them…
“Is there anything they can do about it?”
Nahh I’m just taking a shit tonne of steroids daily just for the sake of it…
“Is there a cure?”

Well seen as they don’t know how it’s caused, or what it really is in full, I doubt it…
“How long will you be ill for?”

Your guess is as good as mine, but seen as there’s no cure, I’m gonna go with forever.
Yes I may seem sarky about the whole thing but two years of the same questions start to do your head in, it’s kind of like when someone has a baby and all anyone ever does is ask the mother questions about the child and nothing else, that’s kind of what I’m going through, no one ever seems to talk to me about anything else other than my illness, it’s aggravating, I didn’t suddenly just shut off and become someone who can’t talk about anything else but being ill… this post is very “ranty” I apologise for that but god it’s annoying haha and I do see I’m being a hypocrite by writing a post about being ill and whining about how that’s all people want to talk to me about but yeah, we all need to rant sometimes and this is just my outlet for it!
All I’m saying is stop treating me like I’m useless, because I’m still the same person, just a little bit unwell and that is all! 🙂

Random tag

1) When is your birthday? (You don’t have to include the year if you don’t want to.)

April 7th 1994 
2) What are 3 of your favorite colors?

Grey, Maroon, Purple
3) What are your 3 favorites quotes?

“You forgave faults, found perfection, fell madly; then the next day the sun came up and it was over” – William Goldman

And in that moment I possessed and lost the whole world and everything in it and was left with the feeling and the knowledge, which is love, that no matter how we give ourselves we always end up losing. That to love is to lose, the moment we agree to the bargain. And that, being human, we keep standing there wanting to lose more.” – Ann Rinaldi

There’s only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it’s actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity” – Anne Frank
4) Are you addicted to YouTube?

Urmm…. Completely
5) What are 3 of your favorite shows on TV or YouTube or both?

They change all the time but at the minute they are…

The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Psych 
6) What are 3 qualities you like in a best friend?

Deal with my craziness, likes to consume vast amounts of wine, and random road trips
7) Do you like your name? 

Better than the other name my parents wanted.
8) If you have the choice to pick your own name, what will it be?

I would of liked to be called Gabriella
9) What is your fantasy dream?

Going to the Maldives with friends, or a road trip across the USA
10) Do you wear makeup?

Yeah I do, I absolutely love it, it’s very empowering!
11) If you could write a book, what would the title be and what would it be about?

I started to write a book, don’t want to give away anything though, hoping to get it published someday 
12) What makes you cry?

A lot of stuff from books to movies, to just general stuff in life.
13) What makes you angry?

When people are completely arrogant and stubborn
14) What makes you happy?

Every day things, like seeing friends, family, food! Food always makes me happy haha
15) What is “Fangirling?”

I’m not entirely sure and I kind of don’t understand it 
16) What are your 3 favorites snacks?

Strawberries, Chocolate, grapes
17) What are your 3 favorite foods?

Pizza, Pasta, Anything Italian really
18) What are your 3 favorite drinks?

Coffee, Water, Sprite
19) Can you tell us a little about yourself?

Urmmm… i’m 21 wanted to be an actress all my life, started this blog because I was suffering with suffer depression and needed and outlet, I have an autoimmune disease, and have had a lot of bad stuff happen to me, but because of this I feel stronger than ever!
20) What are 10 random facts about you?
1) I’m 5’3

2) I absolutely love America and the first time I went there was in 1996.

3) I went to Africa when I was 17 and stayed there only for 24 hours

4) I’m a really picky eater and wont eat most meats

5) I’m allergic to shellfish

6) I got my first “Acting” Agent at 11 years old

7) My favourite singer is Michael Jackson, the man was incredibly talented, my parents actually have a video of me singing “You are not alone” at 3 or 4 years old!

8) My favourite Actress’s are Keira Knightley, Emma Thompson & Helena Bonham Carter

9) I can speak basic French

10) I can sing, and would really like to do some cover videos soon.
21) What are your 3 fun things to do?

1) Love going to France absolutely love going there.

2) Just going for a drive, actually really like travelling.

3) Hanging out with friends

Living with an autoimmune disease 

(Started writing this as kind of a motivational/informative post kind of ended up a rant, sorry about that!)

A little over a year ago I was suddenly struck down with severe weakness and tiredness, to the point that if I were to sit on the floor I could not get up on my own, at first it was very confusing and frustrating because even getting up from a chair was near on impossible, feeling as though someone was pushing me back down, but physical weakness and uncontrollable fatigue aside, the hardest thing about having an “Autoimmune Disease” is you feel pretty much alone, and when the people around you don’t really understand what it is you have or why you cant just “stand up” it can get very stressful and depressing. I’ve had to deal with being left out of things like going to the beach, camping, and sports because I physically can not do it, I’ve lost jobs and now am unemployed because I physically can not work, even though I look quite well on the outside, inside is a daily struggle of being in pain and tired all the time!
Now… Autoimmune diseases are a very broad canvas, and I personally do not know which one I “specifically” have, but I do know it is non life threatening, but I will have it for the rest of my life, and let me tell you the prospect of that is so friggen scary! I do not know what triggered mine, could of just been my age or could have been from a fall I had a while back, I went through a faze of randomly feeling disorientated and just falling over which my now very scarred up knees have not thanked me for, but… that being said medical professionals do not know what causes these autoimmune disease and their is no “cure”.

Also I lost over 3 stone in 6 months and am still loosing weight now, sounds great doesn’t it, but its really not, its quite scary when you’re not yet diagnosed with anything.
I don’t really know why I am writing this post but I just hope if someone else who has a autoimmune disease reads this they can realise they’re not alone. It has taken me over a year for a doctor to actually take me seriously and get me the help I need, I’ve been told it was just all in my head that my muscles where working fine and there was no reason why I couldn’t move, I was put through Physiotherapy and told to do exercises I couldn’t do, and then get moaned at, at my next appointment because I had not improved. So many blood tests I couldn’t even tell you how many it was I actually have had, and put on various medications which as you guessed did nothing at all.
My point is… If you don’t feel well keep on and on until you get the help you need, I have to have a muscle biopsy at some point in the near future and then steroid treatment (not looking forward to that) but after over a year of being ill it has given me hope that I can get better well into “remission” as they call it, and my life will improve.
(I also wanted to do this post as a reasoning as to why I do not “work” in the normal sense as I have had a few questions on this on other social media sites.)
So yeah… If you have an autoimmune disease or any other medical problem that causes you to not be able to work, (in the conventional sense) what do you do for a living, or do you have any tips on how to make life easier?

I’d love to hear your stories too 🙂

NicoleeJayne

xoxoxoxoxox